Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize