How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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