ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
