is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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