we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
