so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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