he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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