What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize