there's paper in my vomit.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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