I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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