cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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