God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
