I think i sorta joined a cult last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
