He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think i have two assholes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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