he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
whose parrot is this?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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