Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
