I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize