3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
