i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
be right there i have to get my cape
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
