We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize