I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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