i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
smell my finger.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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