I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
