I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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