I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
