Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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