when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
