my phone needs a breathalizer
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
