I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
