people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
