i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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