dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
