Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
