Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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