Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
