They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
