Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
