I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
