I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
