What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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