please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
