I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
