he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
