So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
