We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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