matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize