His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
