Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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