So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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