i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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