he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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