She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
