Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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