the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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