just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize