sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
