if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
