he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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