Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
