do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
