So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
