i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize