Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
