ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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