After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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