Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
